funny things my dog has done (risque)
Warning, the rocky shoars of typos lay ahead.
It's far too, too late for me to be oing this post. I must be up at 2 AM to go to the store and finish the rollover, but still. I said I'd try to post more often, and clearly, I suck at it. Sorry, guys, but it's easier to think about posting than to actually do it. nonetheless, hello. Kayla, have you fixed that broken link yet? no? then don't criticize.
So, to warn any listeners (?) if you are easily embarrased, read not on. i'm speaking for comedy, and boredom.
And bored I am. Really, what the fuck am i supposed to do for fun here? Learn to speak Texan? Convert? Please! Seriously, today I had Jenny at work make a joke about me reading the Bible. this is wierd for a variety of reasons. First, anyone who really knows me should know i am moderately obsessed with Theology. Arguaing this crap is something I live for, and so I've read most major religious textx at least once. In the case of "The Bible," don't ask how many times. I freakin' specialize in making peple doubt their faith! So the fact that she had NO IDEA that I HAD read the Bible said something significant about College Station. I am so isolated, I haven't told anyone what my beliefs are. Please, try to understand, in the past the only reason I wouldn't try for such a dialogue is out of politeness, 'cause I like the other person. Here, I'm afraid. I'm utterly, utterly alone. I se more crosses around necks, tatoos and general christian religious imagery than I thought possible.
So, anyhow, the joke is that Jenny just figures that I don't believe in her God. Why? Best I can figure, they all know I studied Evolution at one point. I suppose that in general down here, an understanding of the one is general equivalence to atheism.
Wow.
So that's frustrating, though I gotta say everyone i'm working with is really nice, so the "Starbucks Syndrome" holds true. I'm thinking of going to a bible study just to hang out some. (Wow, can you say disasterous idea?)
So my bath. I gotta say, looking forward to a bath is a primary part of my day. Why? Is being clean so important? Chuckle! Noooo! Bathing is for relaxation. Showering is for cleaning!
So, I enjoy hot water surrounding me. What else do I enjoy? That's right! Reading! So why not combine the two? I mean, other people do that, right? Plus, its kinda girly, but there's nothing like a nice glass of wine to relax you while being relaxed by an entertaining read in a hot bath. I'm sorry, it's just true. In this case, we're talking about a nice, cheap robust red chilean blend of cabernet and syrah. Delicious!
So am i done yet?
Almost. No class of wine is complete without some cheese to accompany it, right? And what's better to accompany a creamy blue cheese than some crackers? Nothing!
So there Ii am, enjoying a nice light dinner and hot bath, SIMULTANEOUSLY! Sweet!
But then, an awkward moment arrives. In terms of etiquette, how does one deal with the issue of cheese and crackers in pubic hair? Do you pour in some wine to keep them company, or retrieve said crumbs for consumption? Do you gently drain them out, and if so, when? Should the Dog be given said morsels, and if so, should you remove any errant hairs? Hmmmm. Questions, questions.
And i never did get to funny things the dog has done.
Next: a post by my local chapter of MADP. (Me Against Drunken Posting)
by the way, how fares Walter?
posted by SmartGreenie @ 8:04 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Sethie Wethie, lay off the booze.
Here's what we are going to do for fun. You are coming home for a weekend. My treat.
1. No, I haven't fixed it, and don't plan on doing so for a while. Perhaps I'll just leave a jpg of a little red x there after I do fix it... for the good times, you know.
2. I didn't criticize... but if you want me to make something up, I'm sure I can handle that.
2.5. Don't feel badly about not posting. From personal experience, posting too often leaves you nothing to talk about but your insanity... such as my last post on Live Journal that talks about my friend, Ashley, adopting me out to William Powell and Myrna Loy.
3. The Thin Man series came out on DVD yesterday. Since, of course, you remind me of William Powell's characters (yes, every single solitary one of them), I thought about you yesterday. Also, if I've been adopted out to the stars of the show, would that make you my father figure? I'm frightened, honestly.
4. Walter is obsessed with being petted. He rolls over if you so much as touch his back. He's also afraid of practically everything... including bags and random pieces of rolling luggage.
5. I'm not going to be a shift, after all. John said no, Jill & Mark sort of swayed his opinion, I decided that I have neither the time nor dedication to do it. Meet Kayla, our 4000 year old barista.
6. I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up- A Composition/Literature teacher.
7. And please, PLEASE, just throw the cracker bits away. I don't want to know how they didn't just float around and instead made it to the sacred region... but yes, throw them away.
So there's your solicited response as well as an unsolicited update on the goings on in Kayla land. Eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow... well, you know the rest.
I have not written and it is a crime. I have just been out drinking with Rach, Christina and Trice and I like to write when I drink so, finally, I write. Still in limbo, still mad, and still tormenting any mortal that comes within reach. Glad to see from your writings that things are going so well in Texas. Yeah, that was sarcasm.
Will write more. I-I dare say- may even respond to your posts with sharp, witty, moving essays that will bring tears. laughter and probably a bout of diarhea.
Miss playing risk. The innapropriate sexual innuendo isn't so meaningful anymore.
T
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